The Beast Defense

The Saint Bernard that bit me almost exactly two years ago has been running loose again. He's come after me two or three times this season. The last time was on my way home today. My mind was already on the things I had to do at home to get ready to go to a zoning board meeting. The dog just materialized beside me.

I heard the owner yell, but the dog was already accelerating. I dumped the chain onto a higher gear and lurched out of the saddle to try to get to the dropoff of the next downhill ahead of the remarkably quick behemoth. I made it.

Seething, I considered my options. Right away I figured I would phone the dog in to town authorities. That seems kind of insipid, even though it is completely justified. The dog should be restrained from running out into traffic. But people get funny about these seemingly minor issues. Law enforcement has better things to do than chase down dog complaints. The animal control officer (if we still have one) is probably some part-timer who works long hours at a real job. I will probably have to deal with this beast again.

I want skunk spray. Pepper spray hasn't worked well for me. I did not realize when I picked up a can of Halt brand spray that it didn't mean it would halt the attacker, but rather that you had to come to a dead halt yourself so the spray wouldn't just trail back in your slipstream. If I could blast the animal with skunk spray it would not only deter the attack, it would inconvenience the owner in such a tangible way that restraining the dog would look like the obvious best choice.

My quick web search has turned up suppliers of skunk scent as a cover scent for hunters. One supplier actually took it off the market because he'd heard it was being used for too many revenge schemes. I salute his principles. My scheme wasn't revenge as such. It was more along the lines of the way the skunk naturally uses the scent for personal defense.

We'll see what happens in the next few days.