The crackle of death

 Seasons change. You dig out an item you haven't needed in months, like a favorite pair of tights, or wind briefs. You tug gently on the elastic waistband and hear the dreaded crackle of death. This morning it was Craft wind briefs I urgently wanted for the morning commute at 27 degrees F. Come spring it will be the better pairs of bike shorts that have sat idle in the drawer awaiting the return of longer days. Will they still be the better pairs?

I do not remember elastic dying so rapidly in my youth, but maybe that's because I outgrew or wore out garments too quickly. Still, it seems to happen a lot sooner these days.

When a garment has a drawcord as well as elastic I simply replace the drawcord with shock cord and a cord lock. If the waistband doesn't have a clear path for a drawcord, sometimes I can use a seam ripper to open the blockage. If the elastic is completely sewn down or perhaps is the entire waistband, it's probably game over, no matter whether the rest of the fabric is still in fine shape.

Somewhat blown out bike shorts will still serve under tights or Sport Hill 3SP pants, because the outer garment will hold them up. Worn by themselves they would be a quick trip to indecent exposure charges.

I have salvaged waistbands from garments that wore out before the elastic dried out, and grafted these onto pieces that have suffered the crackle of death. Sometimes they last so long that the grafted elastic also dies of the crackle. My sewing machine died, so I can't mend anything requiring long stretches of tight, even stitching until I replace it. It was probably more than 50 years old. Hand seaming is possible, but very time consuming.

Stretch fabric itself dies of the crackle. Earlier this century, the old college fencing team was getting together for a reunion. I dug out my old uniform, which had been state of the art in 1976. A mere thirty years later it hung in droopy folds. That's what I get for getting the trendy knit one. If I'd gotten canvas it would still have been fine. Canvas didn't have the sleek fit that all the hot dogs were sporting.

Wool bike shorts and jerseys would get a little baggy, but generally did not depend heavily on the structural integrity of purely elastic fibers. Okay, they would get a lot baggy eventually. But the shorts would generally succumb to saddle friction in riding season and moths in storage, conveniently perishing as a complete unit. Properly blocking and drying any wool garments flat would help them shrink back to size. Wool shorts with natural chamois were also entirely biodegradable. They weren't vegan, however. Wool is just a short haircut for a sheep, but chamois requires a sacrifice.