Friday, March 19, 2010

Ah, Spring! Love is in the Air!

First let me say that I hope Tony Kornheiser crashes his car as he unsuccessfully swerves toward a cyclist he's trying to run off the road. Then I hope he's arrested for assault.

Has human willingness to use force on each other really made us a better species, or just the biggest assholes on the planet?

If the ability to hurt someone is the sole qualification for taking a place on the road, every cyclist should carry a sledgehammer and a gun. There! Now you qualify. It doesn't have to be a big hammer. A four-pound, short handled hammer will do. And handgun choices abound.

You do not have to use these items any more than every driver of a potentially lethal weapon ever actually uses it. All you need to earn respect is the POTENTIAL to end someone's life abruptly. What you lack in acceleration you make up for in muzzle velocity. I can't sprint you down, but my bullet can!

This is absurd. But then humans invented absurdity. If a paradox exists, but no living species has the ability to perceive it, does it really exist? We think the so-called lower animals are oblivious to the irony of human arrogance, but maybe they're constantly rolling their eyes when we're not looking. Let's face it, for millennia we've taken our satisfaction in killing them and each other as a poor substitute for really understanding what's going on. And we're still doing it. If someone pisses you off, threaten them with violence. Kill them if you think you can get away with it. Take pride in something you had nothing to do with, like your skin pigment or the arbitrary political region in which you were born.

I believe the tide of history trends a different way, but it moves slowly. I can't tell you if things will get worse before they get better. I just have a sense that people are slowly coming to realize that getting along is more efficient than constant confrontation. I hope that full acceptance of that does not lie on the other side of a global orgy of violence as the last of the confrontationists go after the nearest target in an outburst of uncontainable frustration. We think of war as a conflict between defined large entities, but it could as easily be a broad conflagration of simultaneous small fires.

It probably won't happen today. The weather is supposed to be beautiful. Time to ride to work.


RCMC467 said...

Kornheiser has been a jackass for years, so what's new?

I was glad to see, after clicking on the link provided, that Lance Armstrong was telling him off. I think Lance has one or two more fans than The Red Menace, so he should control, and win, this argument.

cafiend said...

We could have a new term for getting attacked by a motorist: Kornhized. It would be like, "Dude, that guy in the Suburban was totally trying to kornhize me."

Steve A said...

I completely forgot what I was going to write here when I saw the captcha - "torts."


RCMC467 said...

Uhm...just be careful that you emphasize the "hize" portion of the word.

RCMC467 said...

By the way, I don't know if you recall, but last summer we chatted a bit about me wanting to ride to Colorado, and about setting up My Giant Yukon for touring. Well, I've decided to make the ride.

Due to the employment situation here in Phoenix, i.e., there are no jobs for me, I'm returning to Colorado at the end of the month. I'll be shipping my belongings, but I'm going to try to ride the 800 miles rather than drive. Your comments last year were very helpful and allowed me to realize I just might be able to do this.

Also, you and your blog, along with friends and family, have helped inspire me to chronicle my trip online. I've established a blog to do so, at, and wanted you to know that I set up a link to your site. Yours may be the best cycling site I've found and I thought I should share it with others.

Anyway, take a look if you like. I will continue to read yours.


Ham said...

This was started as a spoof - I suspect many will take it seriously (especially on your side of the pond)

More info

Please guys, look up the definition of irony if you need to.

cafiend said...

@RCMC467: Your trip sounds like an excellent way to merge the practical needs of relocation with a more enjoyable form of travel. I will set up a sidebar link shortly. And thanks for the kind words about the blog. It helps to know someone else is getting something out of this.

@Ham: I hadn't read the whole thing, only the snippet, but it seemed too extreme to be real. I only get set off by people advocating violence, because too many drivers use intimidation as it is. I used to just dodge them and grumble, but their influence on other road users is too great for me to let it go unchallenged.

RCMC467 said...

FYI: I've begun the countdown on my new blog,, to the beginning of the longest ride of my life. If all goes well, there will be many more.