Thursday, October 02, 2014

A bag for everything

I use a lot of different bags. Not only do I like and accumulate all sorts of seat packs, panniers, stuff sacks, dry bags, day packs, back packs, pouches, totes and other containers for carrying. I also use the suffix -bag for purposes of critical commentary.

Think about how many -bag insults you know. You can attach "bag" to almost any word and make it sound insulting with the right inflection. Branch out from the usual dirt, hair,  scum, sleaze and douche. Savor the rich profanity goodness of s*** and f***. Then experiment.  Everything's better with -bag.

This morning I was stomping right along up Main Street, approaching Mill Street. I hadn't signaled for my turn yet from my position right of center in the travel lane. A Prius was waiting at the stop sign. Before I could signal, I noticed the driver making a permissive, "go ahead" sort of beckoning wave at me from behind the glass of his fishbowl window.

Ignoring the gesture I signaled and dropped into the right turn. But I was muttering, "Yeah, f***bag, like I need your permission. If I was going straight I would not need your indulgence either . You pull out on me you're breaking the law. Douchebag." Then it occurred to me that, as misguided as this idiot was, he was trying to be nice. So I came up with a new bag for just such people: nicebag.

Nicebags are the people who have inadvertently done something stupid and possibly dangerous from the best of intentions. They're still wrong and possibly infuriating. But they truly believe they're improving the situation.

I'll test the terminology for a while to see if it holds up to real - world stress.

9 comments:

Steve A said...

Motorists that break the rules in misguided attempts to be nice are - frustrating, which isn't a variety of bag. "Nicebag" is a new word that I'll have to consider...

Red said...

Ah, a post that plays to both my love of baggage and back-handed insults. Love it.

John said...

How about "Hand-bag";a job you can do yourself with or without permission.

cafiend said...

John -- In the -bag system of nomenclature, the Hand-bag would be the person who habitually does such jobs.

RANTWICK said...

I really like nicebag. It is the perfect mix of acknowledgement of good intent and expression of ensuing annoyance.

Thanks alot, nicebag. Yep, I can hear myself muttering it already.

cafiend said...

I realized this morning that I am a harshbag. I don't endorse it. I acknowledge that it's my challenge to overcome. I'm harsh with myself as much as others. Don't know why. My upbringing wasn't particularly harsh.

My harshness is what causes me to -bag in the first place. And I'm not likely to give it up entirely. I merely promise to limit the napalm and strafing.

John said...

After re-reading this post I realize it's not the first time I've typed something that didn't come out as intended. I'm realizing we are all just works in progress. Peace out, enjoy the ride and roll-on. =)

Chandra said...

May I please propose the "Om" bag and the "Peace" bag, FWIW.

Peace :)

cafiend said...

Excellent, Chandra.